"Being with" vs. "fixing"

     There is a concept in coaching called "being with."  It means to be with whatever arises and to stay with it, observe it, and experience it, rather than to "fix" it.  Believe me, every new coach, sooner or later, gets an overwhelming urge to "fix" their clients, not recognizing that all clients -- in fact, virtually all people -- are quite capable of "fixing" themselves.
     We all do it, whether we are coaches or not.  We want to "fix" the problems of our children, our spouses, our friends, our neighbours and our families.  Usually, the "fix" is a knee-jerk, often inappropriate, reaction due to the fact that we -- in fact, our entire society -- has very little tolerance for just "being with."  Ironic, since most people don't really want to be "fixed" -- we all just long for someone  to "be with" us as we navigate life's ups and downs. 
   An exercise that is given to new coaches in training is to open the cabinet under the kitchen sink and just "be with" whatever is there for fifteen minutes.  When I did this during my own training several years ago, I found that within 10 seconds I wanted to wash away the stains on the cabinet floor, throw away the junk that had accumulated and rearrange all the containers of dishwashing soap.  In other words, "fix it."  Yet, I had to sit there, on my hands, for fifteen minutes and just "be with" whatever showed up.  Eventually, I found myself becoming terribly curious about how all those pipes work and I noticed a lot of things I never had before.   
   What happens when we take a deep breath and toss off the mantle of responsibility that convinces us we must "fix" everything and everyone in our lives?  Interestingly, relationships tend to deepen, gratitude pops up and life becomes incredibly rewarding -- for everyone involved.
     Try it for a day.  Just "be with" whatever arises and push down that feeling of needing to "fix" it.